I find soccer really boring...Who likes a sport where over 50% of the time it ends in a tie? I wonder when you go to a bookie to bet on the game, I wonder what the spread is. Oh yeah. ZERO. You know what would make soccer more interesting? I have a few ideas.. 1. The last 5 minutes of every half, they should have MULTIBALL!! 3 soccerballs on the field simultaneously, it's kinda like putting a tortoise on steroids, it'll still be boring, but it'll make things more interesting. When the announcer says GOAL, GOAL, GOAL..he really means it. 2. Hidden bear traps that dot the field. Yeah, let's see these futbollers fake their injuries now. Bear traps will give them something to really cry about. 3. Let them use their hands. I mean seriously, what kind of crazy rule is that? I've never seen a guy throw further than he can kick...What advantage does a person have when using their hands anyway? I mean if he's stupid enough to stoop down low enough in an attempt to pick up the ball and get kicked in the face, it's his fault for using his hands. 4. Line them all up foosball style. Yeah I know it's trite and done before in terms of creativity, but it'd still make soccer more interesting, Heck, they don't have to keep their legs bound either, but they can't leave their designated zone, and they always have to be facing the same direction at all times. It'd also be nice if they can do several hundred consecutive flips. 5. Change the field to an ice rink. How entertaining would that be...It's one thing to be able to reach the ball...it's another to be able to kick it. If you can't make an ice rink, at least Crisco the whole field, then after scoring a goal, they can really slide..and slide...and slide. 6. Place a sniper in the audience...it'll keep them from standing around if they are not near the action. Let's say every two players on a team that gets shot, it's a goal for the opposite team. 7. Add launch pads, like the ill-fated Slamball. but man, imagine someone shooting a header from 20 feet in the air...how crazy would that be? Or like a bicycle kick from 30 feet? 8. Eliminate the shootout. It should be sudden death all the time. If they can't score, they deserve to stay on the field and continue to play beyond the 120 minutes (90 minutes plus 2-15 minute OTs) as punishment. And it actually means next goal wins, whether that next goal comes today, tomorrow, that's the surprise and fun of watching new soccer. 9. Add a new position called "The Stopper" he has to be at least 275 pounds and his goal is to stop any one in his path 10. Change the venue to the moon, and change the gravity to zero. Because that's the only place where soccer should be played. On the moon.
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